between the broken places

What’s not to like about me?  Seriously!  I’m nice and caring.  I enjoy helping people.  I love animals – how can there be something bad about a dog lover?  I’m at a loss and my hair is on fire over it.  Over what you ask?  A person in a group I belong to does not like me.

This person is a pretty big and important (must remember to genuflect when I see ‘em – hmph) part of the group.  We’ve only met once.  Yet, they have put out the word that I do not “present” myself well.  Really?  That’s some impression I managed to make by saying hello, stating my name and answering one question.  After that question I was never called on again for input.  We spoke briefly either at lunch or at the end – I don’t really remember – and I don’t remember much of anything being spoken about.

I do wonder if my alter ego of Bipolar Chick got under this person’s skin – they are a very “Person First language only” kind of person.  Honestly, I don’t have any issue with the whole “person first” idea – If you don’t know what that means, it is a consumer saying “I have bipolar disorder” – basically, I’m a person not my illness -  Okay, that works for some and my way works for others, I actually use both – am I being too sensitive?  I know everyone doesn’t have to like everyone else but this person is rude and dismissive towards me and I don’t like it.

I do have to say that I thought the  meeting where we met was useless – a bunch of people complaining and stating what they would like changed with virtually no idea or plan on how to change anything.  Everyone spoke over each other and since it was my first – and last – meeting I had no idea what was going on so I listened and attempted to decipher.  They discussed a lot of issues that I have not ever had to deal with – extended hospitalization – I’ve only been to a psych hospital once and refused to let them keep me;  insurance issues – I’ve got military insurance thanks to my husband and I’ve never had a problem with it regarding my mental health;  I’ve never been arrested, never beaten anyone up or brandished a weapon – something many have done.  Maybe I’m not mentally ill enough.

Groups like this talk about being inclusive and welcoming – as long as you fit into their mold,  – you know the whole “misery loves company” crap.

Well, I spend enough time with myself feeling miserable – why the hell would I want to hang out with a group that simply perpetuates the feeling?  Why is it some  groups feel the need to only piss and moan?  Frequently, I find that these groups meet in hiding and only show their support when they are with others just like them.  I do understand that not everyone can be as free wheeling with their issues as I choose to be.  And maybe this s group just isn’t for me.  I know not everyone wants to be open about their illness but I do think that those of us who have accepted it and don’t really have a chip on their shoulder should get out there and reach out to those who don’t have an understanding of mental illness.  I don’t carry stigma about my mental illness – that’s right – I’VE GOT A MENTAL ILLNESS!  <sorry, that was me being a bit loud>

Ugh!  I hate feeling this way – I feel judged and I’m offended, I feel the need to justify my position and I shouldn’t have to do that.  On the other hand, why do I care?  I don’t have to see this person and frankly, I thought they carried a rather large chip on their shoulders and I didn’t think they were very nice, inclusive or welcoming.

Hey, I don’t like them either!

So I say, there is plenty of room in the world for the “person first” people and the Bipolar Chicks of the universe – there are more of us then previously suspected.

Ahh, clarity and a cathartic bitch session.

I feel better now.

Bipolar Chick – SNARKY and PROUD of it!

Tags: bipolar chick, bipolar disorder, mean people, mental health, mental illness, person first