between the broken places

I have been coping with chronic pain for some time now and it has left me with a low level pervasive depression.  I think I would rather have full blown depression – this nagging, lethargic feeling sucks!  I saw my Psychiatrist a week and a half ago and we upped some of my meds, in hopes of lifting this wet, wool coat thrown over my head feeling.  It may be starting to work but I can’t be sure yet.  There are good signs – I did not take a nap on Saturday; I tried to take a nap on Sunday but didn’t fall asleep – so I got up and cleaned a little; I woke up this morning – courtesy of Finn (the Chow Chow) – at 3:45 and when I didn’t fall back to sleep I got up and cleaned some more – and I’m not tired.  So maybe I’m starting to feel better.

Ooohhh…another sign – I’m writing this.  Ever since I heard Jackie Chan tell Jaden Smith, “Your focus needs more focus” I’ve been itching to use the phrase – so here it is.  And I’m not using it lightly – my focus does need more focus – so that’s what I’m doing (eyes closed) – focus, ommmmm (deep cleansing breath); more focus, ommmmmm (deep cleansing breath)…maybe Fox News shouldn’t be on in the background…focus, ommmmmm (deep cleansing breath).

So, in an effort to give my focus more focus I will (like Alice in Wonderland), ‘believe in six impossible things before breakfast.’

1.       Brushing my teeth and showering before 8am

2.       Decide what is for dinner for the next week and create grocery list

3.       Will go to the grocery store

4.       Lunch with a girlfriend

5.       Gym – maybe, but definitely working out today

6.       Write and write some more

I’m off to deal with #1.  I hope that you have a wonderful day and that you too can believe in six impossible things before breakfast.

BPC

Tags: bipolar chick, depression, dipolar, focus, friends, impossible, mental illness, shopping, shower, wellness