Hello! Happy New Year and Happy February – how did it get to be February? Wasn’t it just Christmas or do I just think that because there are a couple of Santas still hanging around in my living room? Hmmmm, perhaps I should get them back up in the attic.
I’m sorry I’ve been away – some of you have written and checked up on me – thanks! I’m okay just a little all over the place at the moment.
I’m back in college, getting my degree in graphic design. I know, last time I was here I was a Life Coach – I still am, it’s just that I’ve gotten lots of requests for business cards, stationery and other design media from other Coaches so I sort of fell into the ink well and figured I should add on to my natural talents with the technical stuff. I like school – a lot!!! It gets me out of the house and I’m good at graphic design so that’s always a good ego booster.
I’m changing the Bipolar Chick website – it had started getting old and my first attempt at changing it was a little too “fluffy & sweet” all flowers and pinks and purples. I’m sweet and soft but I can also be strong, stubborn, single-minded and a little sour and I think the site should reflect that more.
So I’ve been wandering in the woods of “no motivation” but I can see the exit from here and I’m thankful that there is no snow out there – just a little rain.
I hope that my readers will return and that my new and hopefully improved musings, resources and information will bring a giggle, smile, heady conversation and strong debate.
There’s a lot going on in the states and a lot of it has been blamed on “crazy, mentally ill folks”, we need to talk about these things – we need to change these things.
I hope you’ll hang out and share your thoughts!
Peace and Power are ours for the taking – let’s grab some!
What’s not to like about me? Seriously! I’m nice and caring. I enjoy helping people. I love animals – how can there be something bad about a dog lover? I’m at a loss and my hair is on fire over it. Over what you ask? A person in a group I belong to does not like me.
This person is a pretty big and important (must remember to genuflect when I see ‘em – hmph) part of the group. We’ve only met once. Yet, they have put out the word that I do not “present” myself well. Really? That’s some impression I managed to make by saying hello, stating my name and answering one question. After that question I was never called on again for input. We spoke briefly either at lunch or at the end – I don’t really remember – and I don’t remember much of anything being spoken about.
I do wonder if my alter ego of Bipolar Chick got under this person’s skin – they are a very “Person First language only” kind of person. Honestly, I don’t have any issue with the whole “person first” idea – If you don’t know what that means, it is a consumer saying “I have bipolar disorder” – basically, I’m a person not my illness - Okay, that works for some and my way works for others, I actually use both – am I being too sensitive? I know everyone doesn’t have to like everyone else but this person is rude and dismissive towards me and I don’t like it.
I do have to say that I thought the meeting where we met was useless – a bunch of people complaining and stating what they would like changed with virtually no idea or plan on how to change anything. Everyone spoke over each other and since it was my first – and last – meeting I had no idea what was going on so I listened and attempted to decipher. They discussed a lot of issues that I have not ever had to deal with – extended hospitalization – I’ve only been to a psych hospital once and refused to let them keep me; insurance issues – I’ve got military insurance thanks to my husband and I’ve never had a problem with it regarding my mental health; I’ve never been arrested, never beaten anyone up or brandished a weapon – something many have done. Maybe I’m not mentally ill enough.
Groups like this talk about being inclusive and welcoming – as long as you fit into their mold, – you know the whole “misery loves company” crap.
Well, I spend enough time with myself feeling miserable – why the hell would I want to hang out with a group that simply perpetuates the feeling? Why is it some groups feel the need to only piss and moan? Frequently, I find that these groups meet in hiding and only show their support when they are with others just like them. I do understand that not everyone can be as free wheeling with their issues as I choose to be. And maybe this s group just isn’t for me. I know not everyone wants to be open about their illness but I do think that those of us who have accepted it and don’t really have a chip on their shoulder should get out there and reach out to those who don’t have an understanding of mental illness. I don’t carry stigma about my mental illness – that’s right – I’VE GOT A MENTAL ILLNESS! <sorry, that was me being a bit loud>
Ugh! I hate feeling this way – I feel judged and I’m offended, I feel the need to justify my position and I shouldn’t have to do that. On the other hand, why do I care? I don’t have to see this person and frankly, I thought they carried a rather large chip on their shoulders and I didn’t think they were very nice, inclusive or welcoming.
Hey, I don’t like them either!
So I say, there is plenty of room in the world for the “person first” people and the Bipolar Chicks of the universe – there are more of us then previously suspected.
Sorry, I haven’t been writing.
I’m feeling a bit out of it and it’s causing me to sleep a lot though not well. This leaves me tired and confused and really pretty useless most of the day. I’m supposed to return to work in a couple of weeks, been on medical leave since April. Going back is both stressful and something I look forward to. Yes, I know, don’t end a sentence in a preposition but it sounds so strange to say something to which I look forward…just not the way I speak.
So, what’s been going on? I started working out a couple of weeks ago, this is really important for both my mental health and my physical health. I tend to start out too fast and hurt myself thus stopping too soon. Part of the reason I get hurt…
I broke my neck in 2005…a compression fracture that came along with a ruptured disc. This caused a great amount of pain and took the military doctors 5 (count them…FIVE) months to figure out what was wrong. The military sent me to physical therapy, luckily the same day I had an appt. with a Neurologist. The Physical Therapist didn’t even look at my MRI and told me that I would be fine in a couple of weeks. The Neurologist told me that it was the largest ruptured disc he had ever seen and that I need to see a Neurosurgeon immediately. I had an appt. with the surgeon the next day and was told that I could not go back to work, had to come off my meds and was having surgery in 4 days. As for PT? The remark that I got was…”Christopher Reeves, that could be you!”. Alrighty then! I now have a cadaver bone and a titanium plate in my neck…No, I don’t set off airport alarms.
I hate the insipid cycle of feeling like crap causes not working out, which can cause eating badly which makes me feel like crap…the friggin circle of my life.
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