Diagnosis Continued...it was a long year!
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| Diabetes classes started on December 18th, the anniversary of my step-father's death. Oy vey! Christmas with the kids...spent their entire visit in bed with the flu. Very Merry and very Diva like as everyone gathered around my bed to open presents. December 30th - unexplained bleeding...lots and lots of bleeding and home alone. What's happening? Was I dying? Rushed to the hospital via ambulance, we found out the worst news I could imagine - Miscarriage. I hadn't even known I was pregnant. January 2000 Told that my body could no longer maintain a pregnancy due to my other illnesses and the medications they required, the Black Dog began to howl again. High Blood Pressure, Diabetes, and Bipolar Disorder ended my dream of having a baby with my soul mate. I was informed that a tubal ligation was the best way for me to prevent any future pregnancies. I was disturbed and disgusted with my body for failing me. I knew this was my fault...I was to blame. March 2000 We commenced with the tubal ligation. I did not want to have this done. The feeling was similar to being raped, which I have been so I know what I'm talking about. I willed myself to die on the table, that would show them all! (whoever, they were???) June 2000 While visiting my daughters an argument broke out between my ex-sister-in-law and me. It was ugly and done in front of my eldest Chicklet...who would be angry with me for this for a long time to come. I began to think that the "crazy girl" was rearing her head and returning to New Jersey was not a sane thing for me to do. However, a dance recital was in just two weeks and I promised to attend. Two days before we were to leave for NJ, stomach pains -unlike anything I had felt before-sent me to the hospital. My gall bladder was hot and needed to be removed. When they got me on the table, my infected gall bladder ruptured and I almost fulfilled my death wish. It had been a long 13 months! |